What hurts the most
by OfInkandFeather
Summary: Eren feels annoyed because of Mikasa's overprotective nature. However, he ends up understanding what she fears the most. He eventually understand what could hurt him the most. - Eremika, a little Rivamika in the end.
1. Chapter 1

**Cold Corpse**

Armin coughed at that familiar smell. Blood. Dust. Smoke. The whole district was burning to ashes as titans came closer. Many soldiers were already dead, but there were no victims in the population. The evacuation had been controlled, prepared. It was kind of a victory, even though the district's loss was a new defeat. The mankind wasn't able to fight against titans, that was easy to understand : they were bigger, taller, and they had almost no sensitive point. Killing them was getting harder and harder for the most common soldiers ; but in another hand, some were doing great. Mikasa, for instance, had already killed five titans that day, while Levi, their corporal, was flying in the air with his swords after having killed his tenth giant. Thanks to those two, there weren't so many victims as there used to, such as in Trost's district, months before.

But still, Armin began to wonder what could happen if they were there. What would happen if the toughest soldier and the greatest corporal of the Human Army were killed ? How could they survive after that loss ? Moreover, the blond boy wondered where they found that strengh. Levi was a total mystery, but Mikasa was an old friend and he knew what -or who- was the reason for her to fight. Eren...

 _Where was he ? Oh yeah, just there, in that roof, behind Jean and Conny._ The three of them were admiring her way of dodging and hitting her preys ; she was a hunter, that was an evidence. No one could even imagine how hard it was to stay calm and no to give up while facing those barbarians. However, when they looked at her, it seemed... easy. Her strengh was her determination, or rather her devotion. Such as Levi, she considered human's lives as precious, and Eren's life even more. After all, he was the only one she had now. Her parents had been killed, many years later ; she could barely remember their faces and voices. Eren's parents, who've adopted her as their own daughter, had also been eaten by titans, at least in his mother's case. Even some of their promotion's friends were dead now, such as Mina Carolina and Tomas Wagner, or Annie Leonhart. It was painful, but Mikasa never left her feelings control her.

The only moment she had lost her will to fight was during Trost's battle, when she had thought that Eren was dead. Armin had noticed it : she wasn't as self-assured as she used to, she was loosing her composure. And then Eren came back, and for the first time of his life, Armin saw tears rolling over her face. It was both beautiful and hurtful...

The blond-haired boy jumped to reach his friends with his own team.

"Armin ! You alright ?" Conny asked nervously, as usual.

"Sure ! We should come back to the Wall !"

" Mikasa and Levi are still fighting", Jean replied intently, "we can't leave them here !" Then he turned his face to watch the girl, and screamed, "Mikasa ! Hurry up, we must come back !"  
She didn't reply, but Armin heard a soft grumble from his right side. _Eren ?_ His face was pale and tense ; his eyes tried obviously to avoid Mikasa's form in the air. His best friend blinked, surprised, and asked him if everything was okay. The other boy began to walk in the opposite direction from where his adoptive sister was fighting and, as Armin followed him, he muttered :

"Is anything wrong with Mikasa ? Did you have an argument... ?"

"No, that's not it, Armin. It's just... Pff. That's almost boring, don't you think ? We come here, all of us. There are deads, and finally, only those two can slace those things without being hurt."  
"You're not serious, are you ? Do you prefer to loose more of our friends so that the battle is more exciting ?", Armin whispered, kind of shocked.

"No, that's not it ! You don't understand. Of course it's great to have two fantastic warriors like them but..."  
"Oh, I see. It's because Mikasa is one of the fantastic warriors, isn't it ?" The other boy didn't reply, his eyes lost in the vague. "Eren, you know she wants to protect you... You shouldn't be so rude with her. She's not scared for her life, but she is for yours..."  
"You seem to forget that I'm not a child anymore ! I don't need to be protected by any big sister now ! I can even turn into a titan myself. So why does she feel the need to..." He didn't finish his sentence and sighed. In a way, Armin understood that Mikasa's overprotective devotion could be annoying, but still... She was doing her best for him, he should be grateful. "I have always been behind her, but I am not her equal. If I was, she wouldn't be constantly over me. She still thinks I'm a child..."  
"Eren... You two have lost everything there in Shinganshina. You can still believe in your father's reappearence, but she had already no father and no mother. You're the only one she cares about, and you know why ?"  
"Because I'm her little brother ? Yeah, I know, Armin, it's no use to remind me of..."  
Then the roof began to shake, making Eren and Armin let go of their swords. Armin almost yelled in horror as he noticed three-meters-high titan climbing on the roof. His mouth was open, and huge and dark and monstruoues ; his hand was about to catch Eren's legs. The two ofthem heard Conny and Jean crying out their names, but they could barely move. In those moments, the greatest soldiers are those who remember to stay calm.  
Mikasa was one of those soldiers. She reacted immediatly as she saw Eren was the titan's prey, and forgot her original victim to protect him. Armin have never been so happy to see her slender frame and her glittering swords. She easily approached the beast and, while he was fighting to stay on the roof, she managed to hit his neck. A beautiful and dangerous move. Armin sighed of relief, and reached Eren, who was standing, somewhere between relief and annoyingment. She had saved him one more time. But his mixed-feelings didn't last long. His face grew paler and paler and his voice was only a demonstration of despair when he yelled :

"MIKASA ! WATCH OUT !..."

Armin turned his face, without understanding where the problem was. Then he repeated his friend's scream. But it was too late. Another titan had appeared while the girl killed the three-meter-high one. He was taller, this time, and quicker. She couldn't escape. Before anyone could move and in front of Eren and Armin's eyes, he took her, brutally, in his hand, and putted her in his mouth. She yelled, both surprised and frightened, but could not escape. The mankind remembered this day how it felt to see his toughest warrior being killed. Eren cried out and began to run in her direction, but Levi, Jean and Conny arrived as well and forced him to leave this roof. To leave Mikasa at her fate.

The boy yelled and refused to give up, but his corporal was stronger ; he simply took his soldier and escaped, ignoring the titan who was biting Mikasa's legs. Ignoring her screams and Eren's, as well as Jean and Conny's glares.

"Don't you all understand ?! They are too many titans, there is nothing we can do."  
"No ! No, we can save her ! We can kill it ! Let go of me, corporal ! Let me go !"  
Levi hit Eren's face, and just said :  
"She would never want you to be killed now ! She would bear to sacrifice herself to save your life, idiot ! Don't do stupidities now, for her sake !"

Armin followed his superior and friends, glancing nervously at his back. He secretly hoped that Mikasa would appear, there, onto the roofs, jumping and running as she used to. But the titan was already walking to another place, which meaned that he had ended playing with her. Mikasa Ackerman, the best soldier of her promotion, the last Asiatic of this city, was dead. As he thought of it, he felt tears rolling over his cheeks, and did no move to chase them. Around him, Jean was clenching his teeth ; Conny looked scared, as he could not believe that was happening. The worst was Eren, who was now crying and screaming. His friend understood his thoughts : Mikasa was dead because he had been reckless, because he was talking about her, because he was saying she was overprotective... And now he realized that she had given her life, her whole life, to him.

Most of the soldiers had turned back to their homes now. Only Eren, Armin, Jean and Sasha stayed onto the Wall Rose that night. Conny arrived later, and tried to cheer Sasha up by giving her food, but she didn't notice it. Her eyes were full of tears as she thought of the soldier and friend Mikasa used to be, of the times she had saved her life without a doubt. Sometimes she muttered that it could not be true, that Mikasa would arrive, as beautiful and graceful as usual, her clothes covered with titans's blood. She wouldn't even be hurt or anything, and would just say "what ? that titan ? that was nothing". Maybe her representation of the soldier was a little bit disturbed by her admiration, but she really hoped. Because hope is the last thing people can lost, the last thing she could believe in.

Armin tried to give some food to Eren, but he didn't even reply, nor he looked at him. His eyes were lost, somewhere into the district where his sister had lost her life. He looked abnormaly calm ; Armin have never seen him so distant. Mikasa's death was more than anything he could have beared. He had seen his mother being eaten by a titan, he had seen friends being killed and he had killed himself many monsters, and yet he could not talk after what have happened that day.

That whole night, the soldiers were quiet. They listened to the silence of the world and wished for Mikasa to turn back. But as the hours passed by, hope left them. Sasha prayed, cried and called her name, but no one ever replied. Conny glared at the sky, looking for something to lead them to her. Jean sat down on a mall and clenched his teeth again, forcing himself to bear the pain. Armin remembered all the moments he had seen Mikasa, all the times she had saved him in Shiganshina, all the times she had been there to help him. And Eren just glared at the streets, quiet and somehow broken.


	2. Chapter 2

**Wrath**

Eren seemed different. When he saw the corpses of those who were dead like Mikasa, the following night, his gaze was ful of hatred, sorrow and guilt. Maybe, among those dead bodies, there were Mikasa's arms, legs or hands... No one knew exactly how many people have died in that attack, because most of the rests that soldiers have found were limbs. It was impossible to know to whom those remains belonged to... Everyone was crying or whispering about their dead friends. Some talked about Mikasa Ackerman, and feared what could happen next, if she wasn't here. She had killed lots of titans alone, all by herself. She had never lost her composure in front of the enemy. In a way, she was as powerful as Levi ; someone had said once that loosing her would be terrible for the mankind. Armin couldn't know if her loss would be so terrible, but that was partly true. At least, it was true for himself, for his friends, and obviously for Eren.

His memories of her appeared to his eyes, trying to make him cry, to make him suffer. Actually, he had never suffered this way, even when his mother had been eaten by the Smiling Titan. He had never felt such a strong pain until that precise moment when Mikasa had been thrown into that monster's mouth. He could remember her scream, her pale face, and he wondered why he did nothing to save her. Why was she always the one who devote herself to him, and no the opposite ? Why did she have to save him from anyone, while he could not protect her ? Once, his mother had begged him to been more responsible, less impulsive, so that he could show her that he could be the protective one. Now that he remembered her words, Eren thought of how horrible it was... Until the end, he had never shown her that she could trust him, that he could be her equal. On the same way, he had never said to his mother how much he loved her ; until the end, they had only argue.

 _I'll destroy them. I'll exterminate them ! Each of them, 'til the end !_

That promise was the only thing he could think of. And even with all his hatred, there was a tiny, frail and soft thought that made him cry. He remembered Mikasa : her gentle eyes, her absolute devotion, her soft dark hair... When the three of them had been accepted into the Army, Eren had advised her to cut her hair, because it wastoo long and that it could be dangerous for the training. He had touched her hair, slightly, without feeling embarassed, and now his fingers remembered how ligh and soft it was. How could he have forgotten that ? Had he left his humanity behind in his obsessive will to exterminate titans ? Would all of his friends die because of him ?

Eren left the others soldiers, wanting to be alone. He asked Armin not to follow him, and replied that he was 'okay' when his best friend talked to him. Actually, he was everything but 'okay' : he was hurt, desperate, angry, sorrowful, guilty, obsessed... Anything but 'okay'. He went to the Rose Wall, as he had done before, and let himself give up. Would it be something bad if he just, simply, jumped to the district ? Would he be eaten by titans, or would the fall be enough to kill him ? Would there be a world of the deads, where he could find his mother, his friends, and Mikasa ? He was about to find the answer to all those questions when he heard a little voice whispering.

 _Fight. Fight !_  
It was his voice, yet younger. When had he said that ?...

 _Fight !_

A younger Mikasa, holding a knife and shaking, appeared in front of him. She looked different from the one he had knew : she was scared, tiny...

 _Fight, Mikasa !_

And then something happened. The younger Mikasa suddenly calmed down, and the knife in her hands stopped shaking too. Her eyes opened widely, and she hitted the man who was harming Eren with a scream. That day was their first meeting, after her parents were murdered and she got captured. He'd saved her, that day, and she learnt to live again after that. She became part of his family. Mikasa Ackerman began to protect him after that day, perhaps because he was the one who rescue her. He had never thought she had a debt to fulfill, but she acted that way : such as she had to show him how grateful she was of being alive and free.

 _What am I doing ?_

Eren looked at the streets he had wished to jump in. All of a sudden, he walked back and shake his head. No, he would never do that. He could never give up, not while the others counted on him to kill titans. He had to avenge his mother, his friends... He had to avenge Mikasa. If there really was a world for the dead people, then he could never join her without having fulfilled her wish : make the Maria Wall free again. Sure, she would have loved to turn back there, in those streets she had lived in. Eren too would have loved to. If things had turned differently, they could have gone there together, as they used to. But there would have been no one there : his mother and father would have been killed, their neightbours would have gone to the Rose Wall, or would have died. But at least, they could be together, the two of them.

 _Mikasa... I'm sorry. I knew it was dangerous, and yet I... I didn't care even if you were the one fighting. You always took care of me, those last five years. You were always the first one to be worried about me. Once you begged be to survive, and I didn't even reply back. I wanted to show you I was able to protect someone, to grow up. I'm sorry... I sure hurted yours feelings many times by being reckless and childish. I wish I have done things differently. I could never thank you for all you've done, I could never ask your perdon now... But I have to live on, so that you could feel relieved. Maybe you found your parents and our mother, in the other world... Then you have to be happy, I guess. Perhaps we'll meet again soon. But until that moment, I have to live and kill those titans. I hope you understand... Wait for me, Mikasa._

As Eren was quietly praying for her to listen to his voice, Armin approached him, and saw tears in his eyes. He came closer, trying to comfort his best friend, but the boy let out a weak moan and fall into the other's arms. He repeated Mikasa's name, again and again, and the blond-haired soldier couldn't do anything to calm him down. So he just let his friend cry until his eyes dried. His eyes then casted to the sky, as he promised :

"I'll fight."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hope**

One night, Eren dreamt of a younger himself and a younger Mikasa, sleeping near each other in Eren's bed. It was probably after her parents had been killed and she joined his family. They used to sleep together the first weeks after that. The boy remembered very well that, some nights, she cried and shacked in her sleep, probably having a nightmare. So those nights, he shyly came closer to her, and embraced her petite frame to keep her warm with a childish innocence. Sometimes he woke her up accidently, and froze. Her eyes were too sleepy to understand how close they were from each other. She probably thought it was a dream, and closed her eyes again, returning back to the dream world. In other occasions, she blushed at the sight of her adoptive brother and he apologized, blushing as well. Then they would glare at each other, embarassed, and began to talk.

"Were you... having a nightmare ?", Eren has asked once. As she nodded, he said, "What was it about ?"

"My parents were in the garden of our home", she explained after a while, "I could see them talking as if nothing, but there was something coming closer. I don't if there were men or titans, or... Whatever they were, I knew they were dangerous. I tried to get out of the house to call them, but I was trapped and no one heard me screaming. I was frightened because I knew what could happen, and yet I was powerless... Just like when they died..."  
"That's wrong, Mikasa. You managed to fight, that day, even though you were scared. There was nothing you could have done except from saving your life... and mine as well." She did no move and he thought that she missed her family. Even thought his parents were nice to her and gave her everything she needed, they weren't her parents. She still called they "Dr. Jäger" and "Carla", refusing to say "Father" and "Mother". Even though people got used to talk about her as Eren's "adoptive sister", she was more a friend and a lost child than anything. Eren wasn't sure to know how to make her more comfortable. "Y'know, that day, I was scared too, when I found the house where they had trapped you in. I wasn't exactly sure to be able to save you", he admitted. "Even if they were animals and monsters, they looked like human beings. And the first one I killed looked even like a kind person, in a way. When I saw them, I didn't know what to do. And later, I saw you, lying on the floor, just like your parents... And I did what I had to."  
"Eren...", Mikasa started whispering, but she interrumpted herself. He frowned, curious of what she wanted to say, and felt her shivering frame near him. She blushed when he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

"If you're cold, don't stay there quietly. It's better like that... isn't it ?"  
She noticed he was blushing too and nodded. Then the two children began to sleep again, into each other's arms. Mikasa had never had the opportunity to tell him how she felt about him. She would have loved to be brave enough to admit that he gave her a reason to live, as well as the warmth of a home, and a place to come back. With him, for him, she would have done anything. He wasn't a child anymore, for sure, yet sometimes he behaved in that way. But no matter how rude and stubborn he could be... she would love him the same. Eren, on the other hand, began to miss her overprotectivity, her thoughtfulness and her gentle face when she disappeared. How cruel to think that until that day, he hadn't understood how important she was. She was part of his universe : life without Mikasa was like a day without sun, a river without water, a empty home... He missed her warmth more than anything. The memories of the nights they shared, as children, came back to his mind, slowly, and he cried sometimes at that thought. Armin and Jean had seen him once, but said nothing, because Eren was too proud to admit it.

The worst was to think that Mikasa would never come back. In every common day, Eren was shocked, and he even asked the others where she was. When they were training, having lunch, playing cards, or anything, he would only wonder where she could be right now. In her bedroom ? Onto the wall ? He couldn't say. And then the memory of her slender frame being thrown into the titan's mouth returned and he could only curse himself. How could he forget something like that ? How could he dare forgetting that Mikasa Ackerman, his best friend, whom he had loved more than anyone else, was now dead ?

"I love you."  
It wasn't that hard to say it. Why didn't he say it before ? Why did she had to die so that he could understand that evidence ? She was the one who had replace a whole family in his heart. The one he would have given everything to see one more time. The one he had pulled against his small chest to protect her and give her warmth. The one he had given his red scarf to. The one he could not forget now...

"I love you so much that it hurts..."

Eren once saw Hannah and Franz kissing and thought it was weird. Their love seemed out of place, disturbing. Actually, they were just enjoying the present moment, knowing that perhaps those happy days would not last. Now that Eren remembered them, he wondered why he had never kissed Mikasa. After all, no matter what people would have said, they weren't brother and sister, they were just two children. Abandonned orphans. Her lips would have been soft and sweet, her skin tender and warm, her hair light and dark... Eren's heart beated faster as he imagined himself kissing her. _I'm such an idiot..._

"Don't leave me..."

The world seemed cold and merciless now that she was gone. There was no red scarf to give him a reason to keep on living. He knew that he could not abandon his friends, but honestly, his will to fight had been shattered with Mikasa. He could neither reach for her by dying, because he felt as she would never forgive him for being such a coward. She would have been the first one to fight even if everything was over. Because, if she had died, she could no longer remember Eren ; so Eren had to live, so that he could remember her.

"Please... Forgive me..."

She always appeared in his dreams, blood-stained, with teary eyes and shattered limbs. He could barely reach for her, and when he did, he could not help her. She wasn't dead already, but she ended up dying in his arms. And, what's worst, she died with such a beautiful smile and beautiful eyes, that he still saw that picture for the whole day. It never left him alone. Neither his guilt did.

"It's so cold now..."

 _Mikasa, come back..._

The boy was so obsessed with his nightmares that he didn't heard Corporal Levi, coming back from a secret mission in the district, who was holding a body in his arms. He didn't heard, either, how that body moaned out of pain, while Levi just said he -or she- had better not to die now, after he had done so much to save him -or her. The day after Levi turned back secretly, there was a huge animation in the HQ, but no one explained to Eren what was its cause. Armin, almost crying of happiness, told him to follow Hanji, who was shacking of excitement. He did as his friend told him, a little curious, and stopped in front of a door. Hansi began to explain that no one would bother him in that part of the HQ, and left him, jumping joyfully. The boy stood still, confused, and opened the door slightly. He saw nothing. He tried again and opened it more to see the room. And then...

As the door got closed by itself, the boy walked, hesitantly, to the bed. Tears rolled over his face. His lips shook in disbelief. He grabed the hand out of despair, and managed to whisper the name he had had in mind that week :

"Mi...kasa ? You... Alive ?"

She looked asleep, but she breathed, and her hips moved softly, as she was talking. He bent over her face to make sure she was the very Mikasa he had lost, and touched her cheeks and hair, marvelled. His tears fell onto her cheeks, and her eyes painfully got open. As she recognized him, she began to cry too, and he held her in his arms, pressing her self against his. They cried like two children into each other's arms. Eren had been so scared that he felt his heart exploding in that moment. He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her neck, her lips and her hands, not believing she was there, finally, such as he had wished for. She replied with many kisses and could not stop her tears. But it was alright, because he erased them with his thumb, smiling genually.

In the end, they had never grown up. They were just lost children, orphans, who needed each other.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 : Words and unsaid**

"Eren..." Her voice was as he remembered, yet frail and shacking. "Eren..." She was almost crying in his arms, close to his heart. Her hands held his shirt out of despair. "You're alright... Thanks God you're alright."

He took her face in his hands to look at her. His fingers erased the tears streaming down her cheeks, and he kissed her a few times until her lips stopped shacking. She was as beautiful as he dreamt. Black hair, crimsn lips, pale skin and grey eyes... Oh, I had missed her so much. Even now she only worried about himself, which made him feel guilty, but he would never let himself argue about her overprotectiveness. He had understood how much he cared about her, how much he lived with, and for her. She could have died because of him, she wouldn't even have fear anything, she would have sacrificed her very soul to save his. How stupid was I...

"Mikasa... Shh, don't cry, please. You'll be alright now. Don't cry." He left his fingers wander in her hair. "Shh, Mikasa... Everything is alright, now. I'll take care of you. Please, forgive me. You're hurt by my fault. I have been an absolute jerk to you all those years. I beg you to forgive me... You're the one I love the most on this world. I want to protect you from now on. I should have protected you, and not the reverse. You could have died..."  
"Eren... Don't cry, or I'll cry too. It's not your fault, though. I... I was reckless, and maybe if I had accepted that you weren't a child... maybe this wouldn't have happened. But I really didn't want you to get hurt. I don't worry about myself. You're... I... People were right : you're not 'family', you're 'everything' to me. I need you beside me to believe in myself. You gave me back to life, six years ago. I would give everything to you. I..."  
He forbidded her to follow with her speech by kissing her on the lips. She closed her eyes, holding back a faint mumble, and threw her arms around his neck. His tongue licked gently her lips, tasting her sweet aroma, making her whole self and body shiver from pleasure. He loved this feeling. It was just like breathing her oxygen, sharing her warmth, and discovering new sensations. As her fingers drew circles on the back on his neck, he wondered why he had waited for so long until that moment. This made all the sufferings worth it. All the pain, the anger, the sorrow, all the nightmares and daydreams, everything disappeared when Mikasa's lips found his. She had always been beautiful in his eyes ; he was just too scared to admit it. She had always been strong ; he was just too jealous to recognize it. She had always loved him, through the pain and the wrath and the happiness ; he was just being too blind to see it.

"I love you. I love you. I love you so much...", he whispered in her ear, and his voice broke at the last words.

"I love you too, Eren. I always did and always will."  
"Even though I'm an idiot ? and a pretty bad warrior ?"  
"I would love you anyways", she giggled a little, "because you're Eren. No matter how reckless, furious, childish and obsessed you are... you're Eren. You're the Eren I fell in love with when you entered in that house into the woods. The same Eren who was dreaming about the outside world. The same Eren who protected me when I couldn't. You're Eren, and that's all that matters."  
"And you're Mikasa. My beautiful, fearless, overprotective and sisterly Mikasa."

She smiled. Her smile brightened her face and Eren's. He wished he could give her a proof of his love, but he had no ring, nor necklace to offer. The only thing he could wrap aroung her neck, was near him, lying on a table. The red scarf he had given her six years ago. He pulled gently Mikasa away, and, reaching for the scarf, he saw a glint of a smile in her eyes. Quietly, he wrapped the crimson scarf aroung her neck, breathing her familiar aroma, and whispered to the young woman :

"I wish I could give you more than this scarf. But I really want you to have it, now and forever, because it's the reminder that you have a home. You're safe. I will always be here with you. I swear."  
"I trust you. My home is you. I could never be so happy."  
"Now you had better to rest properly. If you want", he added as he saw her body getting tense, "I can stay with you while you sleep. Tell me if you're hungry or anything. But your injuries are quite serious, so it's better if you sleep."  
"I guess you're right. Hum, can I just have anything to eat and drink before ? Hanji said she would give me something, but..."  
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it. And I'll tell the others that you're alright. I'll come back soon."

She smiled at the door he had closed. Her eyes still shone with tears and smiles, she was feeling a strange feeling of happiness and pain at the same time. Her broken legs and ribs were horrible to bear, but Eren's proximity helped to forget it. The young woman touched her lips, where he had kissed her so many times, and blushed a little. Everything happened very quickly. It was a matter of few days, while she had known Eren since many years. He was right : she could have died and everything would have stopped, she wouldn't have been able to think about him. She would have died... If only he hadn't arrived out of nowhere, in his perfectly clean uniform, as stoic as always. She almost thought it was a dream at his sight.

When her savior appeared behind the door, she jumped slightly and rased her head, feeling her heart beating faster. Why ? It was hard to explain it. How to explain that she was happy to see the short man in front of her, after all those events ? She found herself smiling with no reason and heard her own voice greeting him :  
"Corporal Levi."  
"Mikasa."  
It was weird to hear her superior calling her by her first name, when he used to say "Ackerman" with his stern voice. Now, his voice was anything but stern : it was soft, almost kind and caring.

"How are you doing ?", he asked.

"Better. It is thanks to you if I am still alive. I... don't know how to..."  
"There's nothing to say. It's a corporal job to protect his fellows. Moreover, you're one of humanity's strongest soldiers ; loosing you would be terrible."  
"Well, I still feel indebted... And you're much stronger than I, Sir."  
"You could become stronger and stronger, with some experience. I'm sure, anyways, that when I'm dead, you're going to inherit of my place."  
"I hope you won't die so easily. There's a lot I want to learn from you."  
Maybe it was the sincerity in her voice that make his body shake. They had never been 'friends' until that last night. After he had saved her and had staid with her while the doctors examined her broken limbs, holdng tigh her hand to forbid her to cry. She was strong, but still, she would have died without him ; she would have felt lonely and depressed without him. They were both soldiers, and they were the best soldiers of their generations. But still, that didn't mean that they were almighty. They have their own secret weaknesses and reasons to fight. Perhaps that was the reason for them to feel... attracted ? to each other.

"As soon as you'll recover, I'll train you. After all, you're still young and inexperimented and..."  
"And I'm a disgusting brat. I know."  
 _Trust me, you're anything but disgusting._

"Now rest. That's an order, solider. Close your eyes and sleep, or else I call Hanji and she'll come with her first aid mall."  
She giggled quietly and obeyed. When she got her eyes tightly shut, he allowed himself to glare at her. He came closer to her bed and sat down on the edge to look better. The weight of hs body made her open her eyes, surprised, and he grinned lowly.

"I told you to sleep, Mikasa."  
She smile when he whispered her name, with a soft tone, but could definitely not close her eyes again. Not while he was so close. At least, that was what she thought.  
When he bent over her and kissed her before she could react, she relaxed each of her muscles and let her eyes got closed again. She felt good, totally at ease in his arms, and remembered having taste his lips before. On the night he had saved her, she was too sleepy, tired and scared that she could barely react when he kissed her. Now that she was awake, she could only shiver from pleasure and sigh quietly when he allowed her to. Then the kiss broke, and the two stared at each other. After a long silence, the superior said :

"He's lucky to have your whole heart. I hope he knows it, and he'll take care of you from now on."  
"Levi..."  
He didn't let her speak : his fingers touched her lips to make that clear. She would have done anything to make him smile, to make him happy, but she knew nothing could help : she loved Eren, and even if she was grateful for what he'd done... she wasn't sure of what she felt towards him. Of course, feeling his lips on hers was a wonderful sensation, but that didn't depend on her though. Her body fighted against her mind. In those circomstances, she could not give him what he wanted.

"Don't tell him, or anybody, about what happened that night and today. That's an order, Mikasa Ackerman. Understood ?" She nodded and he sighed. "Now rest, and wait for your boyfriend's return."

He exited the room, as quietly as he had always did before, when Mikasa didn't know that he looked at her sleeping. Now that she knew everything, she felt a heartache. She hated herself for being the origin of his miserable face. But still, he was her superior, so anyway there could never have been a proper relation between them. Nothing...

Later on, Eren turned back with food and water, and a bright smile on his smile, not knowing anything about his girlfriend's trouble. She smiled back at him, trying to hide her sadness, but could not eat a lot. She looked miserable and anxious, but the boy thought it was because of the pain. He would never know how hard his corporal would refrain himself from slapping him when he and Mikasa would have an argument. He would never know how guilty she would feel about her secret lover, whom she respected and appreciated every day a little more.


End file.
